Why I don't normally listen to the news - but am thankful for journalism

I don't listen to the news. I don't watch CNN, Fox, or any news channel. Occasionally I will glance at the NY times or CNN. Why do you ask? In one word - negativity.

The news media excels in making us aware of all the negative things going in the world. From terrorism, to the obesity epidemic, to the attention deficit order, to floods etc. Hardly ever does one see a positive piece of news. And why so? Negative news sells. Negative news makes people angry, and turn back into the channel. Negative news can be sensationalized.

Now I don't want to pretend that  burying my head in the sand is the answer. But I do think that most people pay too much attention to the news. I find a balance by occasionally glancing at the news, and knowing enough to make important decisions e.g., who to vote for. But that is what I want to limit it to. I would rather spend time with family, read tech blogs, work hard at my job, and generally remain happy, than remain 'informed.'

One exception - the recent Boston acts of terrorism. That is the one time I was thankful for journalists, and news sources such as NPR. Not Twitter, NPR. Why? NPR, and other news outlets check their sources. Twitter was already abuzz with rumours 30 minutes after the incident  12 dead, while only 2 people were confirmed dead. And so on and so forth.

So thanks for journalism and the news media for keeping us informed when it counts. In most other days though, I shall continue to ignore 90% of what you say.

Being a dad

The other day, I was talking to my dad. He had just looked at some of Simran's (my daughter) pictures and videos on Facebook. He told me how much he loves watching her videos and pictures, and she had totally overshadowed all the children he had seen - including me. In fact, after watching her, the memories of me had been replaced by her (he said it in jest, of course).

Now that I think about me, I imaging that at that point I might have felt jealous, angry - how could the memories of my childhood have been replaced by anyone? But all I felt was - happiness. Intense Pride. Joy.

I guess that's what being a dad is like. Your children might overshadow you, excel in life more than you had ever done - and you hope that happens. And if that happens, you feel just intense pride and joy. But above all, you hope and pray that they are happy - always. And there is no joy like seeing them happy.

The Human Predicament

We all suffer from the great human predicament. In search of happiness, we work hard to achieve more and acquire more things - wealth, status, power. But our mind is incredibly at adjusting to the 'new normal..'. Research shows that someone having suffered from a catastrophic event - like having lost a leg - is about as happy as someone who won the lottery, six months after the event. 

People who are happy, are not happy because of success. They are happy because they are either naturally inclined to be happy, or choose to be happy (or both). In fact, happiness is more tried to effort than to outcomes. 

I am no master of human happiness - but I am a student of human happiness. Hopefully you too are, and want to be, a student of human happiness. Want to know where to begin? Just ask me. 

The woman at the grocery store

There is a Stop and Shop in Arlington where I buy groceries - once a week or so. Most of my interactions with cashiers at the checkout counter are pretty normal - say hello, ask how you are, tell them that I want paper and plastic bags (or use the bags I brought), get groceries packed efficiently and go out of the way.

This woman - who's name was Ami - was different. She said hullo to me, and asked where the Mrs. was. Now I did not remember Ami - but she remembered my wife and I. When I told her that the Mrs. was at home, with the baby, she said that oh yes, she remembered that last time she ran into us, my wife Kerri was pregnant. Since Simran has turned 5 months ago, the incident was more than 5 months ago, likely longer. I got home, and asked Kerri if she remembered Ami - she did.

Why am I saying all this? It's simple - Ami tries to remember all her customers, takes interest in their lives, is pleasant. She doesn't do this with an objective in mind - she does not get paid any more for being friendly. She does it out of a choice - it makes her happier, it makes other people happier. And it's the right thing to do.

We often get caught in a vicious cycle - thinking that things will make us happy. A bigger house, a fancy car, a promotion etc. Happiness is a choice. The foremost drive of happiness - our own inner self-talk, and our relationships with others - which are also majorly affected by our own inner self-talk. So start with being happy - and other things will come into your life when they are supposed to.

It's Perfect! Or is it?

Ask me what my daughter is like. My response would be - she's perfect. The hair - perfect. Her smile - perfect. Her two little feet - just perfect. Her crying, not sleeping, pooping through clothes - all perfect.

Yet anything I produce is never perfect. The presentation deck that I wrote yesterday - not perfect. The 10,000 line program that I coded at my last company? Not perfect. The Latin Chicken that I made 3 weeks ago - excellent, but not perfect.

Why is that I can look at my daughter as perfect, but no work I do is perfect? Is it because of my love for her? Is it because I cannot really consider anything I make myself  perfect, because that would be vain?

I think there is a strong correlation between seeing things as perfect, and happiness. Imagine a vacation - you are on a beach in Hawaii. The sun is shining, and there is a rainbow in the sky. Would you be happy? Probably. Why? It is because you accepted things as they are. You did not think that the rainbow should be a little to the left, the weather just a little warmer, and the stupid people should get off the beach so that you can enjoy it alone. No. You accepted it as it was, and that is what gave you happiness.

So now that I have rambled on and on, let me come to my main point. Accepting things as they are gives you happiness. It also might drive complacency. Solution? Accept the outcome as it is, but invest in the process. I am not one to quote religious texts, but this one is important - this is from the Bhagvad Gita. Lord Krishna tells Arjun 'Karam Kar Phal Ki Iccha Na Kar' - which translates to work, but don't expect outcomes, and get disappointed when you do not get what you want. So that slide deck? And that speech? Work on it with your heart and soul - that will give you true happiness. The outcome - will pretty much be immaterial.

P.S. Credit to the book "Are you ready to succeed" for most of these lessons

Define your reality

I continue to be more and more influenced 'Happiness at Work.' One of the concepts that the book lays out is of 'Alternative realities.' The basic premise is that there is no matter how you look at the world, it is one reality, not the reality. You can change your mental model - or how you look at the world - and change what you define as your reality.

An example; I woke up the other day worried about all the things I needed to do that day. I hurriedly got to my computer, started answering emails, doing whatever I could to get the quick tasks done soon so that I have a manageable workload. In reality, I was far behind.

But then I got a reminder email for one ritual I have established - called the morning quiet time. I spend at least 15 quiet minutes every morning, either just sitting with a notebook, reflecting and writing my thoughts down, or reading some notes from on Evernote, which contain some daily reminder. I do this with a beverage (typically chai and coffee, not a bloody mary:)). I look outside, enjoy looking at the morning sunrise, look around in the room, at the cat who is typically either begging for food or sunbathing! This routine helps me slow down, and defined my an alternative reality. Which this day was, that I had 10 urgent tasks to take care of, but only 2 important ones. And if the urgent tasks did not get done - really nothing significant would change. I might have a few responses go out later, a blog post written one day later. And there was more than enough time to do the two important tasks. Life was good!

Whether I am able to carry on this routine when I have to travel for work again - that remains to be seen. It might happen later in the day - but I am committed to this short, but precious quiet time. The time to define my reality.

Happiness equation

Happiness = wanting what you have(gratitude)/having what you want (gratification)

Think about it

Think Neutral

I remember this workshop from the 2008 NetIP conference called - the Laughing Club. It was led by a Boston based Entrepreneur Sushil Bhatia. I remember one of the things he emphasized - called 'Think Neutral.'

The reason that I remembered that was because of a book that I am reading called 'Happiness at Work: Be Resilient, Motivated, and Successful - No Matter What' by Srikumar Rao, who teaches the Personal Mastery course at Columbia Business School. Dr. Rao first talks about the pitfalls of conventional wisdom i.e. positive thinking. We are always taught that we must think positive, and then the positive things will happen to us. But this pressure to think positive adds stress to our lives. Every time we have to force ourselves to look at a negative thing with a positive perspective, which is stressful, and uses our mental energy.

Dr. Rao presents an alternative - just stop using the label bad and good, or positive and negative. It is actually very hard to judge whether something is positive or negative until much further in the future. For example, let's say you are an entrepreneur and an investor decided not to fund your startup. It could be negative, because you don't have the funds you want. But it might be positive for several reasons; one it might give you a chance to fix the reasons why you are not getting funded. Or this investor wasn't the right one for your startup. Or you figure out how to make things work for now and three months later get funded at a much higher valuation.

The point is, we don't really know if its positive or negative. So let's stop using these labels, and instead, think neutral.Observe what happens to you but do not get emotionally swayed. Don't lose your sense of peace. Harder said than done, but let's atleast try.

Ron Gutman: The hidden power of smiling

Awesome talk!

Happiness: Flow

I recently started reading a pretty famous book called Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. Even within the first 30 pages or so, the book has been very thought provoking, especially on one of the most complex topics in human psyche: happiness. Specifically, the book has made me think of the link between happiness and money.

Ever since I have been a student money has been tight - we have skimped on buying gadgets, going on more vacations, fancy dinners, clothes, gifts etc. But to be honest, I do not miss things as much. Even within these uses of discretionary money, there are certain things that bring more joy to me than others. Most of them being experiences; a vacation which allows me to relax and rejuvenate, a massage that fixes my back, a memorable dinner. 'Things' on the other hand bring much less joy - unless of course, the thing is a book, which is a different category altogether.

While money has been tight, learning and friends have been plentiful. Kellogg has just been an awesome place to meet new people, make friends and acquaintances, and at the same time, learn a lot from both peers and professors. I find it hard to find anything else that could replicate that experience.

So what will happen when I do go back to work? I definitely have a list of gadgets I want to buy - a kindle, an iPad , Apple/Google TV, a larger television. I am sure they will bring some element of happiness. But hopefully, I will keep this learning in mind and instead spend on other items: like on vacations, and on building a large savings balance so that I can at some point afford to start my own business. Hopefully I will not forget the lessons of the cash-crunch of student life.